Lately I feel like a half-assed person. In every aspect of my life it seems I do a half-assed job. I start my day going to work (well, ignoring the wee hours of the morn when I'm feeding my LO). I spend probably 2.5 hours at work pumping (too much info?) just so I can get barely enough (or not get enough) milk for my LO. And, when I go to her checkup, the pediatrician practically says I'm starving my baby (Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration, but she says she's hungry and underweight. Kind of the same?). I get to see her 2 hours before she goes to bed when I get home and on weekends and I'm so tired during a lot of that time that I just want to take a nap. And so, I feel like a half-assed mom. Back to all that pumping at work...makes it difficult to get as much work done. I'm always having to stay the minimum hours. My heart is just not in it. And so I am a half-assed worker at my job. It seems like my husband and I never even get to communicate except about the LO. My house is a mess. I don't cook dinner. Thank God he's an amazing husband because he still loves me even though I am a half-assed wife. And, of course after going through the pregnancy and gaining 60 pounds and only losing 30, I feel like a half-assed version of myself. Or in this case, a double-assed version. I just feel like I am failing at everything. I know I'm lucky to have everything I have, but it's hard when you're constantly disappointed in yourself. And, I know that lots of moms probably feel this way. I just wanted to say IT SUCKS. I want to be better and I feel like I'm drowning because I don't even have the time to swim. Ironically, I am a horrible swimmer. Anyway, I just had to write it down. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
And yes, no paragraph breaks. Add half-assed writer to the list!
